Some people say, "I can't breathe!" when their nose is stuffy. Others say it in their final moments of life. Disillusionment destroys more of your psyche than disappointment. Disappointment is a cold. Disillusion is pneumonia. One makes you sick, but you get over it. The other can kill you. Disappointment is often self-inflicted. We assign attributes, motives, feelings, emotions to someone who turns out not to have or feel any of them, or at least doesn't manifest them in a way that we think is acceptable. Disillusionment, or the breaking down of an illusion, is tougher because a broken illusion that we were convinced was built on facts means that we have to reevaluate the principles upon which we have built our entire mental construct of reality. So, I can be disappointed in the lack of due diligence history book writers exercised in getting the story right. I can be disappointed that they never thought past their own perspectives, backgrounds and bias to make sure that what they were publishing was accurate. I can even be angry that they were derelict in their duty to educate their readers about actual things that actually happened. But, the disillusionment of realizing that I've built my beliefs upon this information, that I didn't explore beyond it and examine how I felt about it, because the system in which I was educated said, "Don't you worry you're pretty little head about this word, that word, or what some angry people told you. Just keep your eyes on your book and read your pages. Write your reports and parrot back to us what we sold you...er... um...told you and we'll trade you for a good future." Nearly, everyone I know has disappointed me, none more than those closest to me, just as I have disappointed them. A few days pouting and thinking and.... done, like a cold! All better. Disillusionment requires that I question now everything I understand that was built on the foundation of the illusion. It's exhausting, frustrating and sad, and necessary for me. That's my take on it. I hear others who are facing disillusion who simply declare a large black dot on the timeline and say, "All history written to this point is the only history I need."  They do this because they're afraid. They know that walking through disillusion is like slogging through thick mud that seems to be drying around your feet as you try to pull them one in front of the other and finding it easier just to sit there, stuck, dirty and declaring that all is bright, beautiful and just the way it should be, right here, in the mud, stuck. Or maybe they never wade into it at all. Maybe you have pneumonia. Maybe you really can't breathe. Maybe you're dying.  #PeaceLoveSoap #BlackLivesMatter #ICantBreathe

In a year when I've taken most of what I thought was going to happen and tossed it in the bin, it has been enlightening, if a little frightening, to have to re-imagine my life and then act on my re-imaginings out of necessity, right f*n now! These times have shown me clearly where my past decisions have either set me up for success or failure. And, to be transparent, I've had some of both become evident. Here's what I know: I am, as it happens, resilient. And, that when the stakes are high, my creativity snaps into high gear. Finally, that I am susceptible to falling into to fear-holes when I realize the enormity of what's in front of me. Thankfully, I know really good people and I've been a skydiver. I can land softly, repack and go up again. Damn! I miss skydiving! #EFS (don't ask if you don't know) #PeaceLoveSoap #MovingOn 

A pleasant video for your consideration. Enjoy! 

Libertad Dia #1 https://youtu.be/tsYcJYfSZw8

A snarky video for your consideration.  Enjoy!

A Haiku and Judgy Thoughts https://youtu.be/RD2QLuBCq8o